The Not-Ninja
by Future Foretold
Summary: When you have a crush on the infamous Uchiha murderer, him being your roommate's brother as well, your life is bound to be hell. Add your two crazy best friends to this mess, wait and see what happens. One word - chaos. OCxItachi, OCxSasuke


A/N: I was looking trough some old files of mine and found this old fanfic of mine. It is in Bulgarian (my native tongue) but I decided to translate it and post it here. I really hope you like it. I don't own anything but the OC's: Rilimi \whose name actually comes from 'really me'\, Sari Uchiha, Klara and Zora.

**The Not-Ninja**  
**Chapter 1:** Annoying and Painful Traveling Through the Woods

I arrived home after an exhausting day in the hospital of Konoha. I slammed the door of the small apartment that I shared with my best friend, and fell on my bed face first. Oh, God, how stupid can I get…? I forgot to introduce myself!  
Well… my name is Rilimi, but you can call me just Rili (-chan). I'm an (absolutely) normal 17-year-old girl. Most people think I'm strange because of my long red hair and my red eyes. What, do they think only Uchihas can have red eyes? I live in Hidden Leaf Village with my friend Sary Uchiha. (Almost) Typical representative of that clan – black hair, black eyes, sharingan. She's a ninja, which is a really boring job for me – you go to the academy, become a ninja, go on missions and kill the criminals. Say, is there anything interesting in that?  
Sary always tries to convince me to become a ninja but I don't even want to hear about life depending on missions. Actually, in the beginning I too went to the ninja academy and on missions, but my parents decided that we should go live on the planet Earth (which is at millions of light years from here). Later I returned to this world, coming across the evil organization Akatsuki and so on…life continues till now. I learned medical ninjutsu and decided to go helping in the hospital of Konoha. I've worked for 2-3 years there. Even I stopped counting the days…  
The phone rang with it's awful sound interrupting my introduction (good for that) and made me stand up from the bed. I picked up and, oh, surprise, it was Tsunade-sama. Nowadays she's the Hokage. You know, the leader of the village, the boss, the mayor…or however you want to call her. I call her 'granny Tsunade'.

"Hi." I mumbled with boredom. "What has happened…Again?"

"You have a mission." Declared her majesty the Hokage. Mission? MISSION?! (Wow, I have a mission?) But I haven't gone to missions for three years. And after a whole week in the hospital I'm completely exhausted (did I mention it is Friday?). How dare she?!

"Another baby is sick?" I joked.

"Stop joking! You're going after Itachi with Kakashi, Sakura, Naruto, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Yamato, Sai and Sary." Demanded Tsunade-sama. "You're are staring tonight."

"But… No… Wait, we're going after UCHIHA Itachi?" I asked.

"Yes."

"But Tsunade-sama, he's a little undetectable."

"I don't care!"

"But it's 9:30 PM now… and is the middle of December." We're so going to freeze to death. "Eh, if it's for Itachi…"

After these words of mine Tsunade sighed and hung up. In the next moment Sary ran in the living room and tackled me on the floor.

"We have a mission, we have a mission, we have…" started explaining my friend. "After a decade of stupid missions we finally get to do something interesting!"

"What's so interesting in finding your undetectable brother?" I wondered.

"No, how do you know about that? Who told you?!" the young Uchiha seemed ready to kill the person who told me. That's why I kept quiet. We can't leave Konoha without it's Hokage, right?

What can I tell you about Sary? Well, she's hyperactive, 17 like me and unlike Sasuke she doesn't hate her big brother Itachi.

Narrowing my eyes I escaped her bear-hug. Then I went into my closet looking for some clothes – black top without sleeves, red skirt, my favorite socks with white and red stripes and my most hated jacket – brown, with knee-length and it keeps warm like a heater.  
The TV caught my attention. There an idiot in idiotic clothes was talking about the idiotic weather in the idiotic December (whoops, I think I got a little carried away):

"…This evening the temperatures are going to drop dramatically. There's going to be strong wind and it's going to be cloudy. At about midnight and till the end of the week is awaited strong rain and in the beginning of the next week – even snow… Blah, blah… Stay with our channel this evening…"  
Sary ran in front of the TV and straight to the door.

"Would you mind waiting for me?" I asked.

I stood up from the chair I was sitting on and got my brown jacket and my rucksack from the hanger. I put my black shoes on and went out of the apartment, followed by my confused friend.

"Well where are the others?" I asked and Sary stopped in mid-step.

"You aren't coming with us, right?" her expression was priceless, a combination of fear and happiness.

"I wasn't. Past Simple Forgotten. Didn't you learn your stuff?" I laughed. "It's alright, granny Tsunade told me to."

"I hate her! You're going to mess up again and this mission is going to turn in your next epic fail.

"Or I'll save your brother…"

There was a devilish spark in Sary's eyes:

"Or, you just like him?" ^^

I thank the darkness, because if it was still day all the people on the street would've seen me blush.  
Sary stopped abruptly making me bump in her back. Someone laughed and I just growled in frustration. Naruto was rolling on the ground from laughter and Sakura was smirking. The others were just sitting there, doing nothing.

„Make sure to have a good time on the mission!" Well, that was Tsunade-sama's sarcasm.

"Oh, and the weather,...it's just perfect..." added Shizue.

We saw a lightning in the distance and suddenly it started to rain. You understand - "rainig cats and dogs" people say XD. Yes, it's a PERFECT weather for a mission.

I haven't been on missions for 3 years because of a certain reason. Me, the idiot, mistook Gaara with Sasori, and gave Sasori an extremely important for Suna document. The next day I was totally sued and forbiden to go on missions. That was when I decided to help in the hospital. Now Tsunade-sama wants to torture me with the assassination of Uchiha Itachi. Four words: 'To go kill herself!'

"We're going!" Sary smiled and started dragging me after her.

"But I haven't done anything wrong! I'm not responsible for mistaking Gaara with Sasori! They look very alike! Believe me!" I was screaming as my feet left the ground, and I flew high up in the air..."No! Sary, I'm sscared of hights and I can't run like ninjas, and stop dragging me, and I don't want to come, and... (you got it right?)"

"Of course you can!" Sary stepped on a branch and let me go.

"I think I got it!" I took a step backwards, then I jumped with a cat's on the next branch and went on ahead. "You don't look down!"

"And with chakra."

"I don't use chakra. I never actually did." I turned in the air and stopped to wait for Sary. "Wow, It's actually pretty cool to run like that! I should do it more often!"

"You don't use chakra?" Sary looked at me quizzically, like she'd never seen a person who's not using chakra for running. "But the medical ninjutsu uses chakra... How...?"

"Well, maybe I didn't express myself right. ^^" I smiled. "For the medical ninjutsu I do use chakra, yes. But for running on the branches of the trees... No,

I've never needed chakra to run. And for you special jutsus... I don't know such, I've just watced your brother training once or twice...

"You've spied on Itachi?!"my friend was having a hard time not laughing.

"No, I've been Sasuke's babysitter, while you were out shopping!" I hissed a her. Sary was killing me talking on the forbidden topic "Itachi". "I never even think about spying on Itachi, he was always on missions! What would I say to the ANBUs..'Hi, cat-face, don't mind my presence I'm just spying on Itachi. But, no, I'm not evil, it's alright, cat-face...'?"

Well, now Sary was laughing that hard that she smashed into a branch. The poor branch broke into pieces, leaving me with a dropped jaw. My friend looked like nothing happened to her! Wow, what a strong scull...! Forget about normal biology (if you had studied biology, because I'm a zero at this subject), ninjas are special... If get smashed into a branch like that my head would be the one broken or I'll won't be able to tell who's good and who's evil for a lifetime... And such wisdom ran trough my head before... My big collision with Mr Thick Branch! And then, nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. NOTHING?! Am I dead? Everything that I see is darkness, everything that hear is silence...

"Rilimi!" someone was shaking me violently. I didn't move...on purpose. "RILIMI! You're acting. I know it!"

I opened my eyes and blinked. My body was hurting all over, but I stood up and looked around.

"Where am I? What happened?"

"You hit yourself in a huuuge branch." explained Kakashi pointing at something on my forehead, probably at a big swell. No, it wasn't a swell, when I looked at my reflection in my pocket mirror, I saw nothing but an awfully deep bruise. "And how much time are we loosing now..."

"I'm coming, I'm coming, ok." I mumbled concentrating on the medical ninjutsu with witch I was healing my wound.

And so we continued. And with every step I took, my muscles were aching more and more. How much more time would I be able to go on like this...a couple of days? How much is it to the final destination? HOW MUCH? Two or three (thousand) kilometers or more... Forget about it, where will be able to get like this? How about the Christmas vacation after that?

"Sakura-chan, what if Sasuke kills Itachi-nii?" asked Sary anxiously. "Who are we going to ask about Akatsuki?"

"What are worrying about?" Sakura laughed. "Like we need Itachi! It's just one less criminal in this world."

I furrowed eyebrows and forced myself to surpass them. I caught up with Kakashi who was talking with Yamato, and I kind of eavesdropped on their conversation. And again, that Sasuke was going to kill Itachi, and again, and again...

„Why aren't you talking about the weather, about politics, about Kakashi's book, whatever, just not about the thing you're discussing right now!" I shouted and they looked at me strangely. „Everybody talks about that, why you too!?"

„We're talking about it, because we're sure that it will happen." explained Yamato. I smirked and stopped to wait for Sary and Sakura.

**_14th against 15th December 11:45 PM_**  
_Boredom...Is this mission going to end sometime? Why am I wondering about this – it hasn't even started yet! I'm freezing, does someone have a portable heater?_

**_15th December 3:56 AM_**  
_At rest, at last someone thought about that! Eureka!I'm asking again – does anyone of you have a portable heater?_

„I can't go on any further..." I mumbled and wrapped myself tighter in my jacket. I really need a portable heater right now. We were sitting to rest a little and we had lit a fire which didn't have the expected effect. For some hours it had been snowing heavily and there were snow drifts on some places. „I-i-t's real-ly col-l-d..."

„You're going to cope with this!" Sary patted me on the back, causing me more pain. „ What ninja are you complaining like this?! You're not going to get through this mission... Oh, dear Kami-sama..."

Well, this affected me...much! So, what, I'm not a ninja! But I can cope with this! A little cold and a little pain in the muscles, and you think that would stop me?!

„For the last time, Sary, I'm NOT an ninja! Aaaachoooo... Mew!" a little more time and I... „Aaaachoooo, again._"  
Kakashi stood up and urged us to get going. We all stood up too and jumped to the branches of the trees. Well, the others managed to not get hurt. I tripped on the first branch and landed flat on the next one. Ninjas have their ninja abilities all the time, but my not-ninja ones are wearing out already...Bad thing, I know.

„Itaii, mew..." honestly, i couldn't get up right now. „Help. Help! Helloooo! Does anybody hear me?!"

Sary landed with complete grace right next to me and pulled me up with such a force that I almost flew in the air.

„Rili, Kiba-kun promised to give you a ride on Akamaru! We have to finish the mission, you know."

„Okeiii..."

Kiba landed on my other side not that graciously and Akamaru barked happily. Dread, dread, I'm frightened of dogs! I got up carefully and approached the big dog (it's REALLY big, believe me!), I sat on it's back and held onto it's fur as if my life depended on that. Okeii... my life did depend on that, duh. This is a quite big dog! We dashed again at full speed through the forest in some random direction. While we were racing in the night I spotted some frozen puddles. I trembled and my teeth started clanking. I tried to rub my eyes, but the stupid pain in my muscles wasn't allowing me such moves. I think I'm getting sick...

„AAAAAchooo!" the sound echoed in the frozen space and it seemed like it froze, too! It probably was bellow zero degrees centigrade. Much bellow zero... I fumbled in my bag and got out some chocolate. I started eating one bar and suggested Kiba one. He was half-asleep and got quite shocked when I put a bar of dark chocolate under his nose.

„What the... Oh, Rili, it's just you. I was dozing off, sorry." He explained and ate the bar.

„Where was you mind? On another planet?" I joked.

He smiled and grabbed the whole chocolate from my hands.

**_Morning of 15th December 6:00 AM_**  
_COLD! Where's my chocolate? Kiba, you little bastard! This my only cure from death! Oh, Kami, now I'm going to die... Before I've completed the mission! Like Sary said – another one of my failures._  
_Rili-chan_


End file.
